December 28, 2006

The Mother

in amongst the roots, the creature rests
rests from its nightly excursion
its hunt for life's sustainance
the cool, dark recesses of the hollow
call to its wounds, calls for its healing
the earth replenishes those in need
you have only to sink down
down into her welcoming embrace
give yourself up to her motherly aura
she soothes with her cadence
rocks you with her hum
brightens your thirsting soul with her purpose

Mirrors

Doorways to other worlds
Reflections of times past
Invitations into your psyche

Which function do these silvered plates achieve for you? I have always had a certain morbid fascination with mirrors. I do not like to look into them. My world and its perceptions become skewed. Is that really me looking back out at me? Or a phantasmagorical creature from another realm appearing to wear my derma, going through the motions to lull me into a false peace? They do not behave the same for me as they do for the rest of you. The actions rarely fit the scene. Did that arm move in the wrong direction? Did that plant quiver? Those eyeslooking back at me..

Case in point......

Years ago I bought a large barber shop mirror from a shop going out of business. It was once of those 6X4 foot monstrosities. I wanted to brighten up my home, let in some much needed light. But the thing was so huge we only got it in as far as the back door - it remained propped up on a kitchen wall, facing the door.

Now this mirror, it would not clean up. No matter what solution I used or how many times I cleaned it, there was a strange haze, a waviness, a fogginess to the view. When we walked by it, it seemed to give a glancing caress. Several times my mirrored arm seemed to reach out to me in passing. Static? Magnetism? Who knows. But it was in a tight spot, a bottleneck of the house, and I had hope that it would loosen up some of the chi. Well, be careful what you ask for......

Now this house, this house was another story altogether. So I'm not sure if it was the mirror, the house employing the mirror, or a coming together of unknown forces that caused the goings on after the acquisition of the mirror. But goings on we had aplenty.

An example - one day I was in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner. The mirror caught my eye, which it always seemed to do. I would glance at it and be caught within its glittering depths, unable to step back into this world, into my world, without a lurching tug. It usually took a sound, a motion to break the trance. This day, I glanced over and there I was. Seemed innocuous enough, except I was not in a position to have been reflected in the mirror. So why was I there? I stared at myself, into my own eyes. And then "I" turned around and walked down the hall, into the back of the house. "I" went into the back bedroom, the one we'd been having problems with since day one. The one with the gateways and the visitations, and the eyes,always the eyes looking out at one.

The "I" that was in the kitchen stared after this spectral entity, not realizing until moments later that this could not be! I shouldn't have even been able to see the doorway to that bedroom from the angle I was standing.

I was entranced
I was compelled to follow
I was sickened

This feeling of dis-ease is what eventually saved me from a fate I will never imagine, nor do I want to. I was forever after on guard against this mirror and its usurper, forever after glancing guilty but speedily to and from it, never letting my glance linger long.

The other occupants of the house did not witness these happenings as intensely and vividly as I did, but a pallor of uneasiness, dread if you will, lay over the hallways. Even the animals were wary of the mirror and its vistas.

And our lives went on........

The Ringmaster

Oh yea
Luve is a many
fucking
splendored thing

hold me back
I'm fixin to get happe.....

come on down to funtown people
buy your tickets here
come ride the fucking ponies baby
watch the monkeys swing

there's thrills
chills
knives
and vomit
even ropes and chains
whoo hoo

there's lions, tigers
apes and shit
and all these toys to win

so come on down
come one and all
to the three-ring
circus of luve

the rides are fast
and tents so full
you'll never know such fun

can we say happe?
fuck yeah!

R.I.P.

Illusions at
the kiddie show
Hope
is in the fools
puppies
kittens
slides and
balls

let us all play now
let us all play


….rip

Dreams are for
those idiots
Faith
a pointless go
moonbeams
rainbows
clouds and
stars

let us all wish now
let us all wish


….rip….rip

Tender is
the moron's mind
Joy
for simple saps
cloudbursts
monsoons
flood and
spit

let us all feel now
let us all feel

….rip….rip….rip

Promises
for asses holes
Trust
a futile trap
earthquakes
landslides

drought and
filth
let us all care now
let us all…..rip

The Race

Snap!
run now dog
smell
see


Reach!
legs stretching
flow
bound


Look!
what is it?
ears
up

Close!
concentrate
push
hard


Fly!
race on now
joy
glee


Dive!
you got it
leap
high

Down!
not a chance
going
down


Buzz!
hear the screams
cant
stop

Grab!
twist its neck
teeth
sink


Rend!
rip it out
shred
tear


Lust!
blood flowing,
god
damn!


Kill
race over......

next!
next!

Ink

dark pools amongst the leaves
ink moves
breathe held
gate paused
....shifting....hidden
spell perceived as eyes glance
....cunning phantom....vapor
angles that aren't in sync
....running
leaves weaving
....whispers?....laughter?
trunks that flex
....rumbles....flashes....ether
the ground heaves in small eddies
....ancient....primal
icy chills threaten guards
....shimmers
is it there or here....where?
....footfalls....shadows
close to me or afar?
waiting....substance
glide, lurch, crunch....gasp!

Veils

see you the veil, a diaphanous flutter?
it thins for some, the curtain drawn
softly, softly….tread softly here

clamorings for notice…redeem!
Touch you, feel me, see you….SEE ME!

flowing 'long corridors, these rambled lives
whispers, images, movement….there!
summons linger on whipping breeze

deranged rubbings with echoes wild
Cries for succor….deliverance!

be it corporeal, or a memory called?
perhaps a chronicle….naught more
or a graze….an opened door?

inflamed senses, maddened….maddened
screams and cries, horrific keenings

fitfull tragedies raging, lain in waste
what happened now? it seeps, it burns
into the curtain's witnesses

wild thrashings, death notes...dissonance
roaring laments, grasping at loss

a bounteous telling….without end

Reflection

eyes gone expansive
vaguely focused on the mirror before me
the window behind me
an external view turned inward
open reflections of the past

curtains blowing
obscuring , clouding
but for moments, a clarity

the curtain shifts
there, there is a memory….
….
a wistful child
bewildered, alone
uncomprehending
no one to succor
no one to hold….
….
breezes blowing
leaves softly swaying, whispering
an orchard full of hope
lolling in the shaded grass
dreaming of tomorrow….
….
a smile, a laugh
pure joy unadulterated
Freedom
abandon
oh, feel the abandon
….
connections, friends, lovers
enter then leave the vista
always leaving….
always turning away
….
loss, so finite
so abysmal
so eternal
as to make yu want to follow
in its wake….
….
the longing to go back
leaving the now for reminders past
so strong, so tenacious
but one step needed….and taken
….as the curtain caresses my back

Wee Sleekit

pant....pant....
oh this sweet day
that began so temperate
what horror did befall
when sunlight blurred?
(crouch.....slither)

pant....pant....
a sudden attack
all frenzied daggers
stilettoed spurs felt
what hast assailed me?
(glide....creep)

pant....pant....
run! elude!
hie! hie!
abashed cover spied!
now cower, shock….
(skulk....ooze)

pant....pant....
i rest, dread
ached wounds
sanctum craved
abate....relief?
(slink....pad)

pant....pant….
has it ended?
am i ransomed?
or is this foray
a battle evermore?
(stillness....enshrouded)

pant....pant….
over there
run there, there!
reprieve, pardon!
a burrowed haven spied!
(bloodthirst....explosion!)

NO! i am besieged!
slash rip
oh the savagery!
maul tear gouge
onslaught cruel!
ferocity frenzy
i....

..i am..

....mort

deep

deep pools within

reflect the stillness

~ hush, now, hush ~

listen to the whole's

whisperings of

eternal struggles

deep pools within

cast no ripples

~ center, now, center ~

hearken to the pause

and drifting glom

of the mind's eye

deep pools within

the blue so beneath

~ heed, now, heed ~

depths so ageless

surfing static rows

seeing into the soon

deep pools within

where calmness resides

~ scry, now, scry ~

conceding the knowledge

to lap over your

aware musings

now

.

.

.

.

………….go………….

.

.

.

.

deep

The River Opiate

full to bursting with bloodless carcasses
full to bursting with soulless cavities
full to bursting with wandering shades

the current sluggish with clotted ether
bloated rejects float belly up in the filth
of their own decidings
beached boddies on shores howl
crying out for affinity
for connection
exchange

and the beast stirs……

against the current, and now with
weaving unseen thru the pathetic eddies
sniffing out those accursed, those confounded
neer to be seen, but auraic vibes felt
a shudder ripples thru the massed oblivious

a veer to the right, slumberous
oozing unseen towards its game
a touch, so slight, yet the phlegm knows
beyond its outer senses, it knows

now another, and another……the pack hunts

wending their ways amid the groanings
dragging names and discarded offal
their passing an etheric courseway seen
with blind eye's retinal reflections
these indolent tongues unglued in awe
while languous surgings part the sweltry

and the river flows on unseeing……

Jesus, Wood and Smoke

i saw into the smoke today
beneath
around
within....too far
i see the smoke
i finally see
i saw into the smoke....

jesus
wood
and smoke

i saw into the wood today
single,none....humane?
layers
upon layers
the layers running deep
facets too numerous
the smoke like sheep
i saw into the wood....

jesus
wood
and smoke

i saw the master's hand today
the utterance
actions
motions....all
consuming
it consumes itself
the smoke the
only sign you see
i saw the master's hand....

jesus
wood
and smoke

evolution?
i think not....
smoke that settles
stagnates....rots
fumbles
at a loss for....
grief
did you know
that smoke
can weep?

jesus
wood
and smoke

Go round

push
push
push
jump
land
lie
down
and

s
w
i
n
g
ing out, get out of the way ---- wheeeee

the
sky
blue
look
at
the

f
l
u
f
f
ing clouds so pretty flying by ---- aahhh

birds
on
high
wing
by
with

p
u
z
z
l
ing stares on their beaks ---- hahaha

look
up
up
at
the

c
l
e
a
r
ing light thru the sparkling trees ---- ooooh

the
wind
in
broad
eddies

f
l
o
w
ing thru my hair and tangling leaves ---- sigh

in
my
own
little
world

h
a
n
g
ing fingers dragging dirt in their wake. . . . .


. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . whoosh

Clone

echoes of a whisper
clinging, clawing
you have no substance
without me....
i give drama meaning
your drama weaving
you're not real
so why should I?
see me float
below the horizon
needling
twatting
I am your worst
admirer
you shine before me
your shadow
shriveling
I climb to the top
upon your
mirrored skull soaring
admonish me
sacrifice to me
dishonor me
I am
your candle's
drippy waxings
bow down to me
in trauma
bow down
in laughter
bow low
behind me
with tattooed wings
a watching
whilst I
stomp off after
another carbon
etching

Ever had one of those moments?

You're going through the day, everything is fine, then someone says something, just a word, not even a meaningful word, and BAM!

You're no longer there, but in the dream you had last night, the dream you didn't remember until that very moment. It's like that person and their word were a trigger, a hypnotist's cue. You have been transported, no longer aware of the here and now…..

......I'm on a narrow, winding country lane. Fields of grass stretch out on all sides. My destination, to meet a good friend, to surprise him in his country retreat. He doesn't know I'm coming, I wasn't even invited. But I know I will be welcome, for the efforting will please him to no end. I'm walking briskly. Behind me, there is a small black woman. She is wrapped in a shawl against the late afternoon chill. She has been to work, and is on her way home…a singular journey made 5 days a week. We are traveling together, yet not; aware of each other, but giving the much needed space of strangers. She begins to sing, a quiet gospel melody, to ease her way home. It has an uplifting beat, makes me want to skip. This is awesome, as I have not been able to do this in ages. My legs, now so damaged and weak, are young again, bouncing with child-like abandon. I am energized and take off down the road, skipping and hopping with joy in each step. The small lady keeps pace with me, but is simply walking…….how strange.

Off to the left, I see the hills. On the other side of those hillocks is my friend. I wish I could just soar over the ground and get there in minutes, but I know the slower journey is necessary, will even be worthwhile. Anticipation is the best reward. We come to a crossroad, the small lady and I.…I am to turn to the left, for the longed for reunion, and she to continue on ahead. I slow to look her in the eye, to give thanks for the music. She smiles, and in my heart I hear her say…."keep it hun, you've earned the pizzazz."

The miles fly by, my feet swift and never tiring. Many twists and turns are encountered on this empty road, but it is neither boring nor lonely. I've always relished solitude, and oneness with nature is my favorite pastime. I finally come to a small hamlet, a place of hot springs. The whole town is geared towards the tourist and invalid. I go into a rest stop, to freshen and relieve myself. There is a nurse there, ready to whisk me away to the waters once I'm done. Yet I, thinking in my mind…..just out that back door, the one marked 'Staff Only', is a direct path to my friend….to the hills….to enjoyment. I don't have to partake of the 'cure', I don't have to make this convoluted journey of days, months or even years, traveling back roads that forever meander through life's rest stops. I repack my bag and slip out unbeknownst to the service-oriented populace. I am free to do what I will! Go! Don't let anyone stop you! Run!

Over the grass I race, my feet eating up the inches, feet, yards, hectares. The hill is before me, and dusk is falling. I can see the path, vague but visible in the rising full moon's light and waning sun's angry burst of ending. It is a path less journeyed, and all the more precious for it. Straight up I run, how can this be? I should not be able to do this….I am clawing at the grass, thinking I am to fall, but my legs and enthusiasm carry me over. And I pause….on the brink of….of….

Oh what the hell, lets get going, times a wasting.
And the path down is anti-climactic, sand and grass getting in my shoes and clothes, slipping on my butt, skidding the rest of the way down the hill on my heels and behind. I take off at a jog, and just as the light fades to black I spy the lights in the windows of the cabin nestled up against the slowing moving river and trees, my journey ended. I have come home, I am welcomed, I am content. Life doesn't get any better than this…..
I wish. Hey, this is a dream after all. Wake Up!

Just another evening

While asleep one evening, I got an urgent nudge to wake up….Now! My eyes opened slowly and……there was someone standing over me, looking right at me - not 6 inches from my face! I gasped and recoiled, lashing out with fists and nails….into thin air. Damn me! What the fuck was that? I clearly saw a head, eyes peering, mouth pursed. I…..I….what was it? I jumped out of bed and started turning on lights in a frantic rush to illuminate my world. Nothing....no one.... was it a dream? No, I clearly saw intelligence in those eyes, a connection. Fuck!

Out came the sage. I was gonna smudge this house within an inch of its life. For once the smudge stick lit on first try. You know about this don't you? If the stick is hard to light, it means bad juju is afoot. But this thing fired right up. Well, I was gonna use this to my advantage. I placed the smudge stick in a cast iron skillet and placed in the center of the house. Let it burn, burn all the shit away. I sat up for about an hour, huddled on the couch, my stones and animals around me. Watchful, ever watchful…. I went back to bed, but kept a light on. I wanted to see this apparition before it got too close next time.

I woke with a start about 3 hours later. When did I fall asleep? My eyes were clearly open, I had been terrified. How could I have just fallen asleep?! But sleep I did. And in the mean time, that old sage stick had gone psychotic. The whole house was filled to the brim with smoke! I could barely see my hand in front of me. What the fuck? There couldn't have been that much sage to burn! Where did all this smoke come from?

And then I saw it, through the wafting smoke…. it walked in front of a great puff of a cloud, its outline clearly visible. A man…..a man walking around my house….snooping….sneaking. I bet he didn't think I could see him. "Damn it, this is my house, fucker", I shouted. He started, paused, turned. It was the face I saw when I woke up earlier! He was looking directly at me. He tried to speak, but no sound was heard. Oh jesus, jesus, what the heck?! And then he walked over to me, cowering under my covers, coughing from all the sage smoke. And his hand reached out………and went right through me. But at that moment, I was filled with such a great sense of calm. "Silly chit" the thought came to me, "you think the sage would burn if I was evil? Do you think it would burn so brightly?" "Don't you know I amplified the smoke, so you could see me?"

Ahhh, yes, I understood now. This was not a spirit, but an actual person, someone come on a visit. The astral body of a traveling adept. A spirit, a bodiless one, would not be so purposeful. This mystic entity walked about as if really here, spoke, albeit to my mind, as you would standing there. His emotions, thoughts, focus were direct and intelligent. The fact that his shadowy body had so much detail told volumes about his abilities. I was a trembling novice in his presence. He must have been drawn to this house, to me, because of the energy I generate. The fact that he was poking my scattered safeguards told me that he knew what I was about and his nodding showed approval. His aura even improved and shored up some of them - I could feel their increased power glowing. Here was someone who was offering their expertise. Some One in this abysmal universe I could possibly go to for assistance…..yet a total stranger. Fascinating.

He faded away through the glimmer, a soft "see you later" echoing on the smoke. I got up and went to check on the sage. Only half of it had burned! And generated this much smoke? He was right, his abilities had amplified.

The next day, another discovery. I had bought one of those garden gazing globes for my mother as a gift, and had yet to get it to her. I had placed it in the middle of the living room, wanting to enjoy it as long as I could. I was going about my business, cleaning and puttering, when I glanced over at it in passing. I could clearly see movement! But nothing was in the room except me, and I was standing still, not breathing….yet there was movement. This continued throughout the day and into the evening, the cloaked visitor only visible through smoke or mirrors, a constant companion. The next day some friends came over. I was hoping to get confirmation, so I said nothing to them, wanting to get an honest reaction. I settled everyone in the living room, supplying refreshments. I sat down and became perfectly still. I let my friends get comfortable. And then that moment, when everyone relaxes and zones into their surroundings. Then….Oh, the gasps! HA HA! The 'What the fucks?' "There is a man walking around the room!" they cried. Then the heads went to swinging…. Oh yea, we were playing now….

Can you understand now why I have trouble sleeping?

I was deep in sleep, totally oblivious to the waking world and the empty household. Held in the black void that isn't, unaware of any dreams or sounds. Then suddenly….a body drops onto my chest! Oomph. I try to jackknife up, but the weight is too much. My arms are trapped and I am pinned to the bed. I hear scrambling on the floor next to the bed. Oh shit, what is this? I start twisting and turning frantically, trying to get out from underneath this person. They are clawing me, trying to hang on. There's something in their hand…a flashlight? I don't fucking care, its mine now and I grab it and start hitting them all about the head and torso with the one arm I've managed to wiggle free. I hear muffled cries and they let go. A slithering sound on the floor. What the fuck is this thing?, I jump up and lean hard into the wall next to my bed, making myself as small as possible in the corner formed by the head board and wall. The moonlight is filtering into the room in watery rays, and I see something…There! What??! It's a full size man shape, but there are no legs. Just a long tapering form. Wtf? It slithers off on its elbows into the far corner of the room, breathing hard with a rasping wheeze, whimpering. I can barely make out its form….it seems to be a blue-grey color, but that may be the effects of the moonlight. Hairless, flat face, bulbous eyes, slit nose, muscular arms and torso.

We are at an impasse, this creature and I. For I was not getting on the floor, and it was terrified of me…where the heck did this 'thing' come from?? And why did it jump on me? Jesus fuck, I really need this…. After a few minutes, we both stop panting. I am the first to move, inching my way to the end of the bed and the door out. The creature flinches, afraid I will rain down more blows. Oh yea, what was this thing in my hand? It would have to wait. I make a mad dash over the footboard for the door. I get out, howling the whole way. Yikes!

I slam the door on my way out, run all the way down the stairs. Shit shit. What now? That thing is still upstairs, in my room! Oh god, what do I do?? Who can I call? AnnaLee! I make a run for the phone…I don't care if its one in the morning, shit! She answers on the 2nd ring - oh thank god! I'm babbling incoherently, panic and hysteria in my voice. But that girl….she is awesome. She already knows what's going on. Shit! She didn't feel my panic, she felt that thing's! Oh good lord….

I'm trembling violently, trying to make sense of her words. He has slipped into this world accidentally she says, through a portal. He is as terrified as you are. He's not used to our atmosphere, our gravity. His is a gaseous world, where he swims through the air. He was confused and saw another sentient being, came to you for aid. "Well don't claw at me god damnit! Jesus, he fell on me! Woke me from a sound sleep!" "Just try to think from his perspective cha, he's in an unknown place, no bearings, a gravity…..what would you do?" Go loudly insane of course….

She tells me to go back upstairs, to see what I can do to help. Oh hell no, uh uh, not me. So she tells me she's on her way and I sit down on the couch to wait. I can hear things falling and being dragged and moved upstairs, right above my head. Oh, oh, you better get here fast girlie. After about 20 minutes there is a knock on the door and I rush over to open it. There stands this little dynamo of a woman, red hair flying, pjs and cowboy boots - yeehaw! My hero! We walk back into the living room and stand directly under my bedroom and listen…not a sound. We crawl slowly up the stairs like a pair of silent movie cops, me clasping the back of her shirt, she fearless. We walk down the suddenly long hallway, our anticipation and dread make the journey seem endless. The doorknob is turned with expectations of violence…..but we are met with silence. The light switch is flicked and we turn the corner….nada…no one. But the far corner of the bedroom is a shambles. The shelves emptied, clutter all over the floor.

"Was this the corner it ran too?" she asks. "Yes yes" I answer. "Oh, remember the last time I was here and the anomaly we encountered? You remember, the bent reality? Where I could push the wall in and you were able to slip your hand through?" AnnaLee asks. " Oh yea, now I remember. It was right there, at waist level on those shelves. Do you think that's where it came from? Where it went to?" "Yes hun, right there" is her answer.

So we proceeded to clean up the mess left behind by this creature in its mad haste to leave our world. I must have dropped the 'flashlight" in my wild dash for freedom, for it was never found. AnnaLee said it was some type of information gathering device, but we will never know. We erect a little safeguard in that corner, something to disperse any gathering of energy. And all is calm in my world again…..till the next time.

Delphic Ferine

cowl pulled over eyes
shamanic utterings levied
sitting lone on rutted throne
the trench of separation
eons deep

no loving kinship mine
for i am not to meet
no interjunctions sought
for i am not to seam
no lover's union spent
for i am not to reach
i am the gods' pariah

tallowed torches flame
drum and rattle roar
the blood of warriors drunk
with bone and stone tossed wide
savage profanes awed
primeval possession of rite
spontaneous cries uncontrolled
the pagans' whorls dance 'fore me

beseached yet disowned
entranced and repelled
i can only see....life's obliquities

One for the memoirs

My eyes open slowly….I feel like I'm encased in molasses. What is going on? Why did I wake up? I see out of the corner of my eye, because I can barely move my head, that there is a glow coming from the living room. Noises, shuffling. Are there people out there? Is someone in my house? A shadow crosses over my eyes….something is in the room with me. Then I hear a faint suggestion…..go back to sleep. Nothing is going on….nothing to see.

I wake up with a start. What time is it? Did I really wake up earlier? I look out the doorway to the living room, and yes, there is a light on. I stagger up and out of bed, feeling like I have been hit by a truck. Weaving, grasping the door jam for support, I make my way out into the living area. Cyrus's tank light is on….what the heck? I reel over to the water dragon's 6 foot tall tank and draw his night time curtain aside. Boy, the glare I get! That tail goes to thrashing and he is spitting mad. What in the world is his light doing on? My head is foggy as hell, like I'm hung over big time. His heat lamp is on a timer, which is plugged into the wall behind the tank. I bend over to grasp the edge so I can wheel it aside and almost fall over……his tank has already been pulled out! What in the world? My head and eyes are so fractured I couldn't see this right away, but his tank has been pulled out a good 2 feet from the wall. And this tank is heavy! Made of old doors and a cast iron sink, it has to weigh a good 300 pounds. I reach down to check the timer, and it's been changed as well….wtf?!

I set things to right and try to sooth Cyrus, but he is very upset. He only gets this way when someone has invaded his territory. Was someone in here earlier? The questions keep mounting up…. I head back to bed, my mind a jumble. Oh, this will have to wait for morning and a clearer head.

The next morning I awaken sore for some reason. My arms and legs feel like lead. I inspect them for a reason for the ache and come across some bruises on my arm…..fingertip sized bruises. What in the world? As I have no earthly explanation, I put it down to wild thrashings of the night. I go about the next few days, the events of that night haunting and nibbling. WAS someone in my house? Did someone pull out Cyrus's tank to turn on his light and give him a look? These thoughts keep circling and landings are attempted, but no concrete answer is ever arrived at.

A week later I'm relaxing in my over stuffed lazyboy watching TV when a movie starts up….Communion. Now, I've always been a UFO buff and thought I knew all the scenarios, but when I saw those little squat grey men…..Jesus! What was flashing in front of my eyes was like a script from that night…….awakened by lights and noises, unable to move, feeling drugged, voices telling you to go back to sleep……..

Well, I guess this will be one for my memoirs….

Naga

Awaken…..

The klu disquieted
galled to forsake
littoral subterrane
full with understated dogma
and treasured fragments

through trogloxenic veins
glinted with auric rust
it wends its way
round fractured grottos,
karst and speleothems,
the scent of perverted order rank

Varuna….

from the west it eyes,
its thousand spies
peering into celestial ocean's
mirrored echo
ripe with
moral adjuration's
abandonment

dishonor reaped,
the noosed equivocators
flail in latticed web
while bale and bain
reign down on
atrophied souls
left drowning

Grey

clear your mind
unfocus the eyes
behold but don't heed
use the dimmed senses
do you see it now?
there….
in the
grey

an empty road
sitting atop blank field
in an atmosphere
of eternal glom
with trails of vapor
rising

thru the mist,
movement glimpsed
fantastic creatures progress
from one miasma
to another
but nothing stirs upon this road
for it is not a route to
anywhen

barren at all times
a beclouded vista
shifting fro and to
twixt change and wonder
with no apparent
intention

you can hear things
if you listen
without judgment
snatches of murmurs,
chimes, laughter,
unknown vibrations,
grunts and gears
but to the unsatisfied
it is just a fogged
panorama

you have to be
…grey
dusky as the road
indistinct as the air
obscured as time
with no color or enunciation
for you must vie with the
course

but where does it end?
to whence will it impel?
Oh, be assured
this is not an absolute avenue
just a patch of reality's
twining facsimile
hanging 'tween
shades of infinity
adrift in pointless
residence

for this is not a future,
past or now
this is simply….
grey

Thermals

It was a late fall afternoon, when the shadows are long and the air is crisp. The month was November, the mid point between seasons. I think I would have been better prepared for what happened next if it had been near one of the high points of the cycle. I was traveling down FM 1100 (how portentous). A trip I took every day for 10 months coming home from work, for I was staying with a friend and her family at the time. It was a long journey, an hour, hour and a half depending on the day of the week and the traffic patterns. Most of the journey was spent on highways fighting the angry Texas drivers. But every chance I got I would veer off the busy interstate, go down this country road and enter into another century. Farm Road 1100….. It meandered through old Swedish farmsteads, their churches' spires shooting up into the wide open sky, the only landmarks in an otherwise boring landscape. I only drove a little jog of about 10 miles, but the time spent there was a guilty pleasure I tried to gift myself with frequently.

On this day in question I was traveling down the road going east as usual. I looked up in the sky and saw rising columns….thermals, the type you would normally see buzzards lazily riding. But these helixes were different. Unlike the average ones these were filled with of hundreds upon hundreds of birds. But not just any birds….raptors. Of all shapes and sizes. Night birds as well as day hunters. There was one near the road I was traveling, and as I looked off into the distance, I saw 3 more. Same scenario….filled with raptors. Riding the warm winds up and down, circling round and down. Now, I have never heard of hawks riding thermals, let alone a mixed bag of these types of birds. And who had ever heard of raptors migrating? Or being in the company of their own kind, let alone others of that group? These birds were all solitary hunters….what would cause them to congregate?? They ranged in size all the way from the smallest night jar up to the majestic bald eagles. We do have the eagles here in Texas, they like to winter on the lakes. But this was in the middle of nowhere farmland - why were THEY here?

I stopped my car because I couldn't drive and look at the curling birds at the same time. The pillars marched down the county line road, spaced out about half a mile apart. I sat there watching the birds traveling up and down the warm drafts, completely mesmerized by the sight. And then my eyes came down to ground level because I was going to drive off. I noticed there was a red tailed hawk sitting on the top of the telephone pole next to my car. And as I looked down the road, I noticed that every pole had a guardian, as far as I could see. I started the car moving again and all heads turned as I passed slowly. Can you imagine how that felt? To be the focus of so many keen, riveting eyes, in unison? Oh….

I came up on the county line road, which just happens to be on a ley line (interesting, no?). The road crossed FM 1100, which at this point also ran the lines….hmmmm. I looked off down that road, to the south, and saw a red tailed hawk sitting on every cedar post that ran the fence line. Oh, I could not pass this up. I slowly turned onto the small one-lane road, inching the car along until I was over the hill and away from the sight of any travelers on FM 1100. Those eyes, omg. The birds sat at eye level with me, and those eyes burrowed into my soul. I would pass one bird, his head swiveling as I drove by, then the next bird would concentrate on me and the pattern was repeated. Chills were running up and down my spine - I thought I was going to blow a gasket the thrill was so intense….

I finally brought my car to a standstill, right across from one of those hawks. I turned the car off and sat there with all windows down, me and the bird completly still. I spoke softly to it, saying that I was getting out of the car. No reaction, not even a blink. I opened the door and slowly slithered out, afraid of the reception I would receive in their proximity….but nothing. All the birds up and down the fence line were now concentrating on me, but no fear was shown, no indication of flight. This was so strange…….

As if cued, the birds took their collective focus off of me and gazed to the east, which was on the driver's side of my car where I was standing. So I moved my line of sight and - omg!!

The field was dotted with bald eagles! All facing east, as the fence sitting birds were. The direction of the mind, of air, of eagles and high-flying birds. Hmmm Their shadows stretching out in front of them a good 10 feet or more. None of the birds in the field paid heed to me, their focus completely on……..what? I walked away from the car, towards the fence, trying to see what the eagles were so intent on. Their scrutiny was not directed at the ground as I would have expected. But why should it be? This field had been fallow for weeks, no rodent population explosions in sight. No, their sights were trained on the air in front of them. So why were they here? And what were they doing? The field, a good 20 acres, was filled with these sentries, all spaced evenly about 10 feet apart. All standing at attention, as if in communion, as if entranced. But by what?

I decided I had to find out what was going on. As no one had reacted badly to my presence I moved closer to the fence, actually laid my arms on the wire. The eagle closest to me finally turned his head and snagged my gaze. I cleared my mind and tried a connection……~~~ what?

The answer came to me on the wind, in many voices, hundreds of voices………….

~~~Chaos……

And nothing else.

I waited for many heartbeats, hoping to hear more. But nothing else was forthcoming. My mind snapped back into my body. What?! What does this mean? They were here because of a rip in the fabric of space? They were feeding? Or were they trying to repair…..

~~~Yes…..

So I stood there with the birds, lending my energy as best I could, facing the east as was shown to me. Out of the corner of my eye I could see the thermals shimmering now, the individual wavelets each bird was riding, coasting on, healing. I could not see these before because my vision was not attuned to the boundless circle of infant life-force. I stayed there until almost night fall, the raptors and I in complete alignment.

I finally, reluctantly, got back into my car. But this time when I began to move I was ignored. It was as if I was one of them now, no threat or suspicion to fall on my actions. I went home and told my friends about this rare occurrence. They too had never heard of such an event. They suggested I call the park service or university to find out more. The next day I made several phone calls, and was rebuffed each time. Raptors do not migrate, nor congregate, nor ride thermals. Especially not a varied cross section as I described. Hmmmm

I went the same route home that day, but all evidence of my encounter was gone. Not a single raptor was in sight, which was in itself unusual. Surely there should be at least one red tailed hawk hunting for his dinner that time of day….

A rare occurrence indeed.

Shores

there is a terrain
so unlike our own
submarined rivers
beneath the surface
of Oceana's
spiraling densed
currents

what would we see
along those
sulfured shores?
life as it was
begun?
phantasmagoric
creatures,
waves,
beached ridges,
and the pseudo breezes
caused by life's struggles

to run from the
water's edge
through it's
mimicked medium
would be an intimacy
unimaginable
to we deficient
mammalian
paramors

and what lies
at the bottom
of the bottom
of the brine?
another lagoon?
with gossamered shores
and finned hawks
seen through
tentacled light?

how many
reverberations
of life's primeval
runes
are multiplied
within those depths?
ahh
the endless shores
immemorial....